Georgia’s 1st Dist. Cong. Buddy Carter is a pharmacist. I can’t be sure, but I’m guessing he may have had a sip or two of Robitussin AC while back home. Why else would he have introduced a bill last week in the U.S. House of Representatives to rename Greenland, “Red, White, and Blueland?” How cute is that?
Rumors are that when the applause has died down, Carter will then look within his own district on the Georgia coast and propose Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde Island and St. Simon’s and St. Garfunkel’s Island.
Carter’s bold initiative assumes, of course, that Pres. Trump will prevail in getting Denmark to agree to give up the island, which is a semi-autonomous territory of Denmark. Expect them to say not only “ingen” but “helvede nej!”
The president says the U.S. needs to control Greenland to ensure international security and for the “protection of the free world.” Denmark, a member of NATO, says Greenland’s surveillance systems are already linked to the North American Aerospace Defense Command (NORAD) through Thule Air Base, the northernmost installation of the U.S. Armed Forces, 750 miles north of the Arctic Circle. If North Korea or Russia get any big ideas about sneaking up on us, the Danes say the polar bears will get them before the missiles do and that Trump might want to do his lektier.
Carter says if Denmark keeps making things difficult for his president, he’ll introduce legislation outlawing any Danish pastries that don’t have tomatoe paste, Martha White flour and blueberries on top and henceforth to be known as MAGA Muffins.
Unlike RITNOs (Republicans in Trump’s Name Only) who call me a left-leaning, chardonnay-sipping liberal weenie and left-leaning, chardonnay-sipping liberal weenies who say I am a Capitol-storming, Marjorie Taylor Greene-loving RITNO (I can’t wait to see my mail next week!), Danes seem to have a sense of humor, which means they wouldn’t be much fun to pick on in this space.
A petition to buy California is currently circulating in Denmark and has already gotten more than 200,000 signatures. The petition says, “Have you ever looked at a map and thought, ‘You know what Denmark needs? More sunshine, palm trees, and roller skates.’ Well, we have a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to make that dream a reality. Let’s buy California from Donald Trump!”
The organizers of the petition say they are just messing with us but I think they might have been serious until they discovered that San Francisco and their whacko politicians would be a part of the deal and decided they would just as soon stay with Greenland where the temperature in the winter averages 2.8 °F but warms up to a balmy 42.3 °F in July.
They are also concerned that if we do get Greenland, Trump will change the name of the nearby Labrador Sea to the Gulf of Beagle. If so, expect Buddy Carter to introduce a bill entitled, “America is once again Regal! We now own the Gulf of Beagle!”
Rep. Carter has dropped hints he might run for the U.S. Senate next year against incumbent Jon Ossoff, a Democrat. A part of Trump’s agenda is to downsize the federal government. According to the Congressional Research Service, Carter’s district contains roughly 17,000 federal employees, who are probably wondering if he is going to support them or hang them out to dry. They are voters, too.
While Elon Musk’s DOGE (Department of Government Efficiency) is up and running in Washington, it should be noted that Georgia’s Lt. Gov. Burt Jones is floating the idea of a similar effort within state government. Jones said he wants to cut government spending and make the state more efficient.
I have an idea: Let’s start by doing away with Georgia’s Environmental Protection Division. (EPD) These are the tone-deaf bureaucrats who seem intent on giving Alabama-based Twin Pines Minerals permission to mine our Okefenokee National Wildlife Refuge for titanium dioxide so that mankind can be assured of a never-ending supply of toothpaste whitener. Even the Danes think that’s latterlig.
Hopefully, Cong. Carter will soon be able to turn his attention from Red, White and Blueland about which most of us don’t give a whit and help us protect and preserve our national treasure, the Okefenokee, about which we care about a lot and which, by the way, is located in his district. Otherwise, Denmark just might swoop in and take it from us. Can you imagine Pogo the Possum saying “Vi har mødt fjenden og det er os?”
You can reach Dick Yarbrough at dick@dickyarbrough.com or at P.O. Box 725373, Atlanta, Georgia 31139
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