• Skip to main content
  • Skip to secondary menu
  • Skip to primary sidebar
  • Skip to footer

Dick Yarbrough

Four-time winner of the Georgia Press Association's Best Humor Column

  • Home
  • Biography
  • Columns
    • 2025 Columns
    • Column Archives
      • 2024 Columns
      • 2023 Columns
      • 2022 Columns
      • 2021 Columns
      • 2020 Columns
      • 2019 Columns
      • 2018 Columns
      • 2017 Columns
      • 2016 Columns
      • 2015 Columns
      • 2014 Columns
      • 2013 Columns
      • 2012 Columns
      • 2011 Columns
      • 2010 Columns
      • 2009 Columns
      • 2008 Columns
      • 2007 Columns
      • 2006 Columns
      • 2005 Columns
      • 2004 Columns
      • 2003 Columns
      • 2002 Columns
      • 2001 Columns
      • 2000 Columns
      • Iraq Columns
      • Letters To My Grandsons
      • Zack Columns
  • Opinion
    • Dicktations
  • Publications
    • Books
    • Newspapers
  • Art
  • Reader Comments
  • News
  • Philanthropy
    • Grady College of Journalism
  • Email

December 31, 2018: An Advance Look At What Could Be Major News Stories In 2019

January 9, 2019 by webmaster Leave a Comment

I am not very good at prognostications.  But I am always full of hope.   There are a number of events I would love to see happen in 2019; so much so that I have already written a short release on each should they occur.  That way, I will look very smart and since I will already have told you about them, I will have more free time to pursue my dream of playing “Sweet Betsy from Pike” on my ukulele with the New York Philharmonic.  (Spoiler alert:  There will be no encores because that’s the only song I can play on my ukulele.)

So, let’s get right to the I-hope-we-read stories in 2019:

PUBLIC SCHOOLTEACHER COMMITTEE TO STUDY DELAYING START OF GEORGIA GENERAL ASSEMBLY.  A committee of public schoolteachers is looking at when the General Assembly should begin its yearly legislative sessions.  They were inspired by a bunch of state senators who think they know best when schools should start without asking teachers for their opinions.  “We have made no definite decisions,” a spokesperson declared, “but we want to give our intrepid public servants time to go work and play at Six Flags and Stone Mountain Park to make up for the inconvenience they say they will face if Georgia dares to put the education of our young people ahead of their bottom line.”  At this point, the schoolteacher committee is leaning towards recommending a half a day session which would give legislators enough time for a free meal from lizard-loafered lobbyists but not enough time to dump more taxpayer money into private school scholarships.

FORMER KNEE-JERK COLIN KAEPERNICK PROMISES TO CONCENTRATE ON DOMESTIC VIOLENCE AND BIRDS.  Colin Kaepernick says he is through kneeling because of his lumbago and the fact that Americans have found out they can live without watching his fellow multi-millionaire knee-jerks on Sunday disrespect their country.  He will, instead, join the “#MeToo” movement and concentrate on his colleagues who slap around their girlfriends.  He has also announced that he is growing a nest of robins in his hair.

THE UNIVERSITY OF GEORGIA APOLOGIZES FOR BEING THE OLDEST STATE-CHARTERED UNIVERSITY IN THE NATION, HAVING MORE RHODES SCHOLARS THAN ALL OTHER INSTITUTIONS IN THE STATE COMBINED AND A LOAD OF FIVE-STAR ATHLETES.  In a rare move, the administration at the University of Georgia has apologized for being excellent at so many things.  “While it is not our fault that we were the first state-chartered university in the nation and that we keep having all these Rhodes scholars selected and five-star athletes wanting to come to school here,” a spokesperson said, “we are aware that not every institution is as blessed as we are.”  He blames much of the controversy on a certain modest and much-beloved columnist who won’t quit talking about the place.

GUN ADVOCATES SCORE MAJOR VICTORY WITH GUNS UNDER THE GOLD DOME.  With guns currently allowed in churches, bars, public buildings, college campuses and the like, gun proponents are hailing the efforts of Rep. Mandi “Annie Oakley” Ballinger, R-Cherokee, and Rick “Shoot low, boys.  They’re ridin’ Shetlands” Jasperse, R-Jasper, to promote legislation allowing Georgians to pack heat under the Gold Dome.  “It occurred to us that if we allowed guns everywhere else but the state capitol,” they said, “it would make us look like a couple of hypocrites.”  Political observers say the term “shooting down legislation” will now take on a whole new meaning.

TRUMP TO ANNOUNCE ON TWITTER THE WITHDRAWAL OF U.S. FROM THE LEAGUE OF NATIONS AFTER HE FIRES FEDERAL RESERVE CHAIRMAN.  Pres. Donald Trump surprised Congress today by tweeting that the U.S. will no longer be a member of the League of Nations as soon as he fires Jerome Powell, chairman of the Federal Reserve.  Staff members will draw straws to determine who will have to go tell the president that there is no League of Nations anymore and that by law he can’t fire the chairman of the Federal Reserve.  President will go on Twitter and criticize his staff as lazy, incompetent and stupid and wonder who hired them.  Staff will then draw straws to determine who will have to go tell him he did.

NEW YORK PHILHARMONIC TO FEATURE SPECIAL UKELELE PERFORMANCE IN 2019.  The prestigious New York Philharmonic is proud to announce a special appearance by C. Richard Yarbrough, noted ukeleleist who will perform “Sweet Betsy from Pike” in the key of C.  However, due to circumstances beyond his control, we regret Mr. Yarbrough will not be performing encores.

You can reach Dick Yarbrough at dick@dickyarbrough.com; at P.O. Box 725373, Atlanta, Georgia 31139 or on Facebook at www.facebook.com/dickyarb

Filed Under: 2018 Columns, Columns

Reader Interactions

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Primary Sidebar

Most Recent Column

May 25, 2025: Georgia Cities Get High Marks In Recent Surveys

Dick’s Artwork

Column Archives

Footer

Dicktations: Here’s What I’m Thinking

State Sen.Steve Gooch, R-Dahlonega, has announced he is running for lieutenant governor.  Gooch is the guy who said that approving permits to strip-mine the Okefenokee for titanium dioxide to manufacture, among other things, toothpaste whitener is not a legislative matter.  It is up to the bureaucrats to decide. This, despite overwhelming opposition from Georgians across the state.  File that away and remember it when it comes time to vote.  I know I will. … [Read More...] about A long memory

Reader Comments

Yarbrough received over 1,000 email responses last year – both positive and negative. Though most of the emails he receives support his viewpoints, one thing is for sure: Dick Yarbrough’s column speaks to people and they respond. Here is a sampling of email responses Yarbrough has received in the past:

  • Thanks for writing what we all are thinking.
  • I am annoyed by anybody who presumes to know what Georgians think.  And that, sir, includes you.

Read more comments

Latest News

July 2021: Dick's NEW Edition of his popular book 'And They Call Them Games' -- a look back at the 1996 Olympics Just in time for the 25th anniversary of the Olympic games in Atlanta, Dick's book has been re-released and is available now on Amazon.  If you're a fan of Dick, or the Olympics -- or both! -- you won't want to miss this! > Follow this link to order.   February 2020:  Grady-Yarbrough Fellows Announced for Spring … Read more... about News

Copyright © 2025 · Magazine Pro on Genesis Framework · WordPress · Log in