May 11, 2003: Random Thoughts on Random Subjects

After our troops had kicked Saddam’s crowd back to the 14th century from whence they came, President George W. Bush’s landing on the aircraft carrier U.S.S. Abraham Lincoln was the icing on the cake. Looking at the young men and women aboard the carrier, obviously they were as proud of their commander-in-chief as he is of them. Mr. Bush’s high-profile trip was made even more delicious because it infuriated that former KKK member and king of pork-barrel slop, Democrat Senator Robert Byrd of West Virginia. Anything that arrogant old coot is against, I am for and vice versa….

It has been a bad couple of months for liberal weenies. First the U.S. armed forces won the war, despite the weenies’ dire predictions. Then they hyperventilated over the apparent failure of U.S. troops to stop the looting of thousands of Iraqi museum relics. Now we learn that only 35 or 40 antiques are actually missing – not thousands — and those are thought to have been lifted by Iraqi insiders. Undaunted, the liberal weenies’ current complaint is that we haven’t located Iraq’s biological and chemical weapons yet. Aren’t these the same people who were clamoring to give the United Nations all the time they wanted to search for these weapons? Liberal weenies are very weird….

The University of Georgia has achieved an academic grand slam. UGA is one of four schools in the nation — and the only public university — to have students win all four of the most prestigious academic scholarships offered to undergraduates — Rhodes, Marshall, Goldwater and Truman. The other institutions in this rarified air are Harvard, Yale and Brown. Adam Cureton is the university’s fourth Rhodes Scholar since 1996. Josh Woodruff received the equally esteemed Marshall Scholarship. Laura Downes and Amanda Casto were awarded Goldwater Scholarships, making 16 Goldwater Scholars at UGA since 1998. Ginny Barton won the Harry S. Truman Scholarship, the eleventh UGA student to do so since 1982. Not only are we just as smart as the Ivy League, but Harvard, Yale and Brown combined couldn’t whip our football team if we played them blindfolded and with one arm tied behind our backs. Lordy, it’s great to be a Georgia Bulldog!….

My oldest grandson, Zack, has just received his driver’s license. Zack’s cousin, Brian, has his learner’s permit, and Zack’s younger brother, Nicholas, is about to get his permit. Please set a good example for my grandsons by driving like mature adults. Slow down. Use your turn signals when you change lanes. Put that infernal car phone away – we aren’t the least bit impressed – and watch where you are going. The boys are nervous enough as it is. Don’t make it harder for them by acting like idiots behind the wheel. Thank you for your cooperation….

I recently visited a retail electronics chain intending to buy a new computer. No one would wait on me. I went to two more stores and still couldn’t get anyone to help me. I gave up and bought my new computer on the Internet. Now I read that this electronics chain is cutting sales staff. I guess the powers-that-be believe it would be more efficient to have fewer employees around to bother potential customers who might want to buy something. Sometimes businesspeople can be as weird as liberal weenies….

Who says flaggers are a bunch of humorless cranks who live in the 19th century? The Fergit Hell crowd has produced a deck of playing cards similar to the one the U.S. Government created to identify Iraqi war criminals. Their subject? Legislators who voted for the new state flag and to bypass a referendum on the 1956 Confederate battle flag. Nobody has said so, but I’ll bet that all the cards in the deck face backwards. Maybe the flaggers’ next effort will be to design playing cards targeting those of us who are tired of their whining. If I am lucky, maybe they will devote an entire suit to me. Diamonds would be nice….

And finally, a reader angry over something I said suggested I was a heathen who doesn’t know God. Not true. I know God very well. And guess what? God doesn’t like broccoli, either. Amen.