April 15, 2002: Ambassador to Outer Space Is At It Again

Our Ambassador to Outer Space has outdone herself this time. Cynthia McKinney, the loudmouth congresswoman from Georgia’s 4th District who wouldn’t recognize shameful conduct if it bit her on the backside, says President Bush may have received advanced warnings of the Sept. 11 terrorist attacks and chose to do nothing about it. If reincarnation exists, this woman is coming back as a fruit tree.

McKinney alleges the President was willing to sacrifice thousands of American lives in order to encourage a war and thereby benefit the defense industry. She asserts that the military response that followed the attacks has profited companies specializing in defense contracts, including the Carlyle Group, where President Bush’s father is on the board.

On what does she base her preposterous charges of presidential malfeasance? Nothing. After blathering her conspiracy malarkey to a radio station in – where else? – Berkeley, California, home of the University of Goofyland, McKinney later issued a statement saying: “I am not aware of any evidence showing that President Bush or members of his administration have personally profited from the attacks of 9-11.” The logical question then, is why in the hell did she say it?

Her insane charges repulsed most of the Georgia delegation. Senator Zell Miller called her comments “loony.” Representative Johnny Isakson, from Georgia’s 7th District, said McKinney “demonstrated a total lack of responsibility.” Tenth District representative Charlie Norwood suggested ostracizing her. I would add that the delegation also should hold their noses whenever they pass her in the halls of Congress. Only Jack Kingston, the glib Republican from Georgia’s 1st District offered McKinney any support. He is quoted as saying, “She has the right to make the statements.” Yeah, and she also has the obligation to back them up with facts, Mr. Congressman, or have you been in Never-Never Land too long yourself? I would suggest the Georgia delegation hold their nose when they pass Kingston, too.

Some observers believe McKinney is playing to the voters back home. If partisan politics has stooped to this kind of low, then let me out of here. Her kind of behavior has no place in a time of national crisis. If she was trying to impress the home folks, why didn’t she come back to Georgia and make her charges? Could it be that she is contemplating a move to Goofyland and becoming their Ambassador to Outer Space? That pairing would be the most appropriate partnership since Seigfried met Roy.

Maybe her daddy, state representative Billy McKinney, and his omnipresent bullhorn could explain to us why his baby girl thinks the President of the United States purposely allowed American citizens to be killed in order to enrich American corporations. This approach has been the Ambassador to Outer Space’s modus operandi: Say something totally outrageous and then hide from the media and the voters, while Daddy runs around bellowing into his bullhorn and defending her indefensible actions.

I can only assume she and Daddy believe the clueless constituents of the 4th District will return her to Washington, no matter how much she acts like Clarabelle the Clown. Well, the gig may be over for the McKinney clan. An impressive candidate has made the decision to run against Madame Flap Jaw in the upcoming election. Denise Majette, a former State Court judge from Stone Mountain, is willing to endure the abuse the McKinneys are certain to heap on her and to give the 4th District some relevant representation for a change. Like the incumbent, Judge Majette is a black female. This fact is going to pose a problem for Daddy and daughter, who can play a race card better than Willie Nelson can sing “Amazing Grace.” But, trust me, they will find a way.

If McKinney does make it back to Washington to continue her legislative record of having done absolutely nothing worthwhile in ten years, I will be anxious to see if she can wangle her usual spot on the aisle in order to shake President Bush’s hand on national television as he walks in to deliver the State of the Union speech. My fantasy is that when she sticks her hand out next time and gives him that loopy smile of hers, the President will stop and cold-cock her right on her kisser in front of the world. Now, that would be some outrageous behavior I could go for!