“What other state has such a combination of beautiful mountains and silky-soft ocean beaches?  Virginians will tell you they have pretty mountains and nice beaches, but the state is too near Washington D.C. and all those self-important politicians and bureaucrats.  They might as well be located next to a landfill.”
 

"Pseudo-filmmaker Michael Moore keeps telling Europeans how stupid we Americans are.  For once, I agree.  Anybody who cares what Michael Moore thinks has to be dumber than a yard rake."
 

"Please don’t let a day go by without telling Mom and Dad that you love them.  You may think saying stuff like that is uncool.  It isn’t.  We all need to be reminded that we are loved and appreciated.”
 

“Women are directed by the Southern Baptist Convention 'to forsake resistance to the authority of their respective husbands and to practice willing, joyful submission to that leadership.'   I am frantically scouring the Bible looking for some authority to give back the leadership to my wife.
I don’t want it.”
 

“The framers of our Constitution worried about protecting the rights of the individual and not giving too much power to government.  Pretty wise thinking on the part of a bunch of white guys, who evidently weren’t nearly as stupid as the white guys we see on television commercials these days.” 
 

"Ted Turner has lots of money.   He says stupid things and is labeled eccentric.  If he possessed my bank account, he would more likely be called crazy as a bedbug"
 

“Business leaders are lousy at taking principled stands because they don’t know how to deal with the resulting heat.  They can raise prices, cut staff, close offices and drop product lines because these actions benefit the bottom line.  And if there is one thing business understands, it is the bottom line.”
 

"My mentor, the late Jasper Dorsey, said that we are put on this earth for only one purpose: to leave things better than we found them.  Thank God for the people who do.  As for the rest of us, maybe we should take a long look in the mirror and ask ourselves whether the world is better because we are here.  I have a feeling we might not like the answer."
 

"Shirley MacLaine, the actress whose elevator doesn’t quite reach the top floor, has written a book in which she claims she talks to her dog, a rat terrier named Terry. According to MacLaine, she and Terry communicate in “Humanimal,” which she says is a “purer, more direct form of language” than English. Hopefully, she makes more sense to Terry than she does to the rest of us.  MacLaine says she and Terry have shared at least one past life together in ancient Egypt and possibly more. Terry says it wasn’t Egypt; it was Ozark, Alabama, which he thinks looks a lot like Egypt."
 

“I have had to remind young reporters over the years that a close examination of the Constitution shows the First Amendment belongs to all of us, not just to them.”
 

“I don’t know about you, but I listen carefully to anything the French say.  They only work six days a month, so that leaves them plenty of time to drink wine and analyze things that might blow by the rest of us.”
 

“A suit against the Pledge of Allegiance was brought by a twit in Sacramento, who earlier had lost an effort in federal court to require President Bush not to mention religion in public gatherings.   He fears his daughter might go dotty from having to hear her second-grade classmates recite the Pledge of Allegiance every morning.  He need not worry.  Being dotty in California is redundant."
 

"I believe four professions rank above all others: religion, medicine, education, and public safety.  Religion cares for the soul; medicine, the body; education, the mind; and public safety, our ability to leave peacefully with one another.  To do these jobs well requires a passion and commitment far beyond what is expected of the rest of us.”