RANDOM THOUGHTS ON RANDOM SUBJECTS

What has happened to Georgia-based Home Depot? It is not close to being the great enterprise it was when founders Bernie Marcus and Arthur Blank were running it. The stock price is going down, while Robert Nardelli’s compensation is going up. Home Depot’s annual meeting was a disaster that anybody  —  including Nardelli  —  should have seen coming. I have had more than one shareowner tell me that they are planning to sell their stock as a result of the meeting, in which no directors  —  including my old boss, John Clendenin  —  showed up to defend the CEO’s pay raises. Nardelli allowed each shareholder only one minute to ask a question and refused to discuss his compensation. As my mama would say, “He ought to be ashamed of himself,” but making as much money as he is, I doubt he cares much one way or the other. …

I wish I could get more excited about our air assault converting Abu al-Zarqawi into roadkill, but you know there is another cockroach waiting to take his place. Once upon a time, Persia, Assyria and Babylon were the most civilized and sophisticated nations on earth. Today, that area is nothing but rabble and babble. That is something we had better keep in mind about our own civilization. …

James Magazine, the highly influential Georgia political publication, reports in its latest edition that our Ambassador to Outer Space (my term, not theirs) Cynthia McKinney has included several glamour shots (their term, not mine) of her High-and-Mightiness on her Web page. The photos are available for downloading and for use as “wallpaper” on your computer. I have seen the photos. If you are concerned about some nerd stealing information off your computer, just let him see the ambassador grinning back at him. That should scare the willies out of him. …  

It is with a heavy heart that I tell you the Dixie Chicks concert tour is sucking wind. Reports say the airheads are having trouble selling tickets to their upcoming concert tour, which includes an appearance in Atlanta. It seems sales are far below expectations, and industry sources say that several dates may be cancelled or postponed. This, in spite of the fact that the left-leaning media keeps trying to make them out to be heroes. Entertainers are allowed to express their political opinions, but we are allowed to vote on those opinions with our pocketbook. Looks like we are the winners and the Chicks are the losers on this one. Yee-haw! …

Readers get after me for a lot of things. One recently accused me of acting ugly  — not an unfamiliar charge  —  and said it was the fault of my preacher, Randy Mickler. The problem is that I don’t know who Rev. Mickler is. Dr. Gil Watson, the World’s Greatest Preacher, who is charged with the unenviable task of trying to keep me on the straight and narrow, says that’s about to change. He is planning to trade me to Mickler for two hymnals and a Sunday school teacher to be named later. …

A Yankee transplant reader has shown his hinny, as Yankee transplants are wont to do. He takes great umbrage with how we do things in the South  — the way we talk, our schools, our politics and a host of other failings. One example: “If South Georgians could get off their (blanks) and not fall down drunk then maybe they could do something, but that would require work.” It turns out the guy is a chiropractor in a Georgia town that shall go nameless. I wonder if his patients know he is making fun of them while making money off of them? He might want to be a little more discreet in the future. His patients may not share his view of Southerners. …

Finally, my youngest grandson, Thomas, has gotten his automobile learner’s permit, which means that all four of my grandsons are now driving on Georgia’s mean streets. They are all good drivers, but I liked it better when they were riding tricycles. Please watch out for them.

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