YOU HAVE QUESTIONS? I HAVE ALL THE ANSWERS

One of the most rewarding parts of this job is the opportunity to answer questions from readers. It is a responsibility I take very seriously. Perhaps something I say could advance the cause of world peace, or maybe even turn John Kerry’s frown upside down. You just never know.

Now to the mailbox to see what inquiring minds want to know.

Dear Dick: I am a successful gymnastics coach at a large state university located in Northeast Georgia. My boss is the athletic director. The athletic director’s boss is the president of the university. The president’s boss is the State Board of Regents. The most powerful regent on the board is my fiancé, who is married to another woman. Will I ever find happiness? Suddenly Sullen Susan

Dear Suddenly: I have some good news for you. You are already a lot happier than the athletic director, the president and the regent’s wife.

Dear Dick: I am a flagger looking for some information. There is a guy in the Georgia Legislature named Glenn Richardson. I believe he is from Paulding County. We flaggers don’t like him and have made sure that he knows. One of our Web site postings even says that he “may not be strong enough mentally for the job.” Can you tell me what ever happened to him? Homer from Homerville.

Dear Homer: My sources tell me that Rep. Richardson is now Speaker of the House and has a management style that makes Tom Murphy look like SpongeBob SquarePants. I understand also that he has a long memory. As soon as the House passes a bill calling for a referendum on the old state flag, be sure and let me know.

Dear Dick: There have been a lot of questions recently about the media’s integrity. Have you ever made up stuff or alleged things without checking them out first? Dan from New York City.

Dear Dan: Absolutely not. Then again, I have never worked for CBS.

Dear Dick: The Cobb County School Board wants to place stickers on science textbooks saying that evolution is just a theory. What are your thoughts? Rev. Elmo Gantree.

Dear Rev: That’s a toughie, so I ran your question by God, just to be on the safe side. God told me to tell you that if we would worry more about loving our neighbors, forgiving each other’s faults and spend more time sitting in our houses of worship instead of sitting in judgment of others, stickers would be irrelevant. He says everybody is going to find out who is in charge one of these days anyway  —  stickers or not. By the way, God asked me also to pass along that He personally has no problem with women preachers and for the rest of you to get over it.

Dear Dick: You write often about St. Simons Island on the Georgia coast and Big Canoe in the North Georgia mountains. Which place is your favorite? Sonny from Bonaire.

Dear Sonny: When the sand gnats are out, it is Big Canoe. When the bears are out, it is St. Simons.

Dear Dick: Now that Cynthia McKinney has won back her seat in Congress, will you continue to write about her? Rappa Dappa Doo

Dear Doo: Only if the sun rises in the East. However, our Ambassador to Outer Space is going to have some stiff competition this year. Vernon Jones, the CEO of DeKalb County is coming on strong. He had a rape charge filed against him recently, but says he isn’t worried because he is going to follow the example of former President Bill Clinton. You’ve got to love a guy who thinks like that. And then there is the new sheriff in Clayton County. He fired his deputies his first day on the job and then posted snipers on the roof as they left unarmed. With so many nutty politicians running around unsupervised, it is a great time to be a columnist.

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